The Reason
by Yavia
Summary: Bella gets sent to Forks because of a death, there she is immediately befriended by one of the Cullens. Bella hasn't had the easiest life and struggles with the normality suddenly thrust upon her.
1. Always Alone

**Always Alone.**

She stands there, her old black coat wrapped so tightly around her tiny frame. The old woollen material, almost worn through in places did little to keep out the unusual chill and wind. She stood there, her eyes still strained on the same spot she had been staring at for the past three hours. Her fingers are numb, shoved deep down in her coat pockets and she wiggles them slowly in an attempt to warm them up and get the feeling back into them. The wind whips around her, making her long, dark hair dance across her face and causing a shiver to wrack through her body. Still she doesn't move. The crowd of people had left her alone a while back, the last one promising to come back and get her soon. It didn't matter anymore. She was used to being by herself by now.

Alone. Always alone.

Shouldn't she be crying? Everyone else had been crying. The quiet sobs and silent tears had surrounded her from all sides. But she had not shed a single tear. _I suppose I cried all my tears long ago_. _It's not like I wasn't expecting something to happen._ But still she couldn't move, couldn't leave, couldn't even shut her eyes. Didn't want to leave this place, leave her alone.

It was all her fault. Her fault that these people shed their tears and had to say goodbye. It was her fault that they were here. It was all her fault. She knew. She should have done something. But it was easier not to stand up to her, easier to try and help and stop it by sneaking round trying to get rid of the evidence. It was easier to ignore it in the end. It was easier for them all to ignore it in the end.

But what could she have done? Really? It wasn't her place to tell. And who would she have told anyway? It's not like she had the friends for support? It's not like her step-father was ever around to do anything about it. All she could do was clean up after. It's all she could ever do was clean up after- all her life consisted of was cleaning up after. No matter she state she was in, no matter what time of the night or how early in the morning it was. She cleaned up after.

A cold hand was placed on her shoulder, jerking her out of her thoughts and out of her mind. She looked up into the sad, pale, withdrawn face of her Father. She gave him a small smile.

"Come on Bella, it's time we were off." Charlie said his voice quiet. This was not the place for screams and loud voices of any kind. Bella nodded and dragged her eyes over to the mound of earth, where the coffin had disappeared into hours again, where her body lay, still beneath the dirt. She gave the grave one last look,

"Goodbye Mom," before she turned around and followed her father out of the cemetery.


	2. Fresh Start

_**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I just like to play sometimes.**_

_**I know this chapter is rather short, hopefully they'll get longer as the story progresses. Please read and review and let me know what you think.**_

_**The title is from The Reason by Hoobastank, The lyrics are fitting to how I see this story and how it'll hopefully progress if the characters will let me.**_

**Fresh Start**

It didn't take them very long to pack up her belongings; her clothes, her books, the childhood mementos. She didn't have much anyway, and nothing of any value. Her one trunk of clothes and the three boxes of books and bits and pieces she wanted to keep were already loaded into her step-fathers car. She was sat on the stairs of the porch, leaning against the post, gripping her bag tightly in her hands, twisting the material between her fingers. She was craving a cigarette, had been for days now but with everyone around, with Phil and Charlie staying in the house she hadn't been able to sneak out for five minutes to actually smoke one, let alone sneak out to run down to the grocery store to buy some.

Since the death, since Charlie and Phil had found out and arrived back at the house she had been watched. When she left the room they asked where she was going. When she was cooking dinner, no that they finally had food in the cupboards and people who wanted to eat it, one of them would sit at the old, shabby kitchen table and make polite conversation with her while she worked, eyeing her as she chopped vegetables with the knifes. She wasn't as clumsy as everyone thought she was, not really. The only time she was alone was when she was in the bathroom, and then if she was in there longer then half an hour they knocked on the door asking if she was ok, and when she slept at night. Thank good she was leaving this house, leaving behind the sad eyes of Phil.

They had decided it would be best if she left this house, left this town and moved in with Charlie in his house down in Forks. She hadn't been there since she was seven, back before all this shit started. She can't say she was sad to leave, leave the stepfather she never knew, leave the house she hated and the school where she spent the school day alone. Maybe it would be better; A fresh start somewhere new, without all the memories jumping out from around every corner. Fresh start; _I think I can handle that._

All that they were waiting for was for Phil to finally come out and finish locking up the house- like there was anything of value left in there now. Phil was running them to the airport reading to get the plane from Arizona to Washington state. _God, I hope things are better in Forks. _She was tired, her body under-fed, under-loved. She felt drained, drained and her brain was too full. The weight was still on her shoulders- that hadn't lifted any... if anything it had only gotten worse. If anything the images in her head had only gotten worse.

_I need some sleep. Sleep and a hug_

Neither of which she expected to get any time soon.


	3. Heaven in a Cylinder

**Heaven in a Cylinder**

Bella followed Charlie into his house, carrying one of her boxes in her arms.

"This is your room." Charlie said and Bella walked in dropping the box down onto the floor with a thud.

The room was small, though much bigger then the tiny box room she had at the house. Against one wall was a single bed, already made up with cream covers. Cream... she almost shuddered at the memory of cream bed-sheets and the stains covering them.

"It's nice." Bella said looking around, taking in the rocking chair in the corner, the girly see-through gauze covering the window, the old wooden wardrobe.

"I'll bring the rest of your stuff up so you can unpack." Charlie hesitated in the doorway. "I don't know when you want to start at school. If you want some time to settle in or some time to grieve for your mother."

"No, I want to start Monday." Bella turned round and Charlie nodded slowly.

"If you're sure that's what you want. But if you change your mind, then I'll understand. Losing a parent so young..." Charlie trailed off before coughing quietly. "I'll go get those boxes for you."

Losing a parent so young- Bella could hardly keep the cynical laugh inside. She wasn't young now. She felt almost ancient; surely she must be in a museum display next to fossils and bones by now. She hadn't lost her mother at seventeen anyway. Her mother had been lost long ago. Bella could hardly remember the mother in the woman she had lived with, she certainly hadn't been around for the past decade. God, had it really been that long? Really?

It would feel alien almost to have a parent again, even in the broadest sense of the term. What was she supposed to call Charlie anyway? Phil had always been Phil. Her mother had always been Renee. Was Charlie supposed to be Dad? She had never been able to work it out. It had been easy just not to call him anything in the e-mails and the week in the summer she spent vacationing with him in California. She had always hated that week, just the thought of what she had to go back to after a blissful week of beaches, ice cream and fun was enough to ruin the holiday before it had even begun.

Charlie interrupts her thoughts when he stumbled into the room with the rest of her things.

"I thought we could have a pizza tonight, you like pepperoni right?" Charlie asked and Bella nodded.

"Pizza would be good thanks." Bella started to rip off the tape holding the boxes shut.

Luckily Charlie was not the type of person to hover unnecessarily. Once he was satisfied Bella was occupied and there was the potential that she was going to start pulling underwear and other womans products he left Bella to her unpacking. Bella stopped putting her books on the little shelves on the wall and sat down on her bed.

So, here she was. In Forks, Washington. She stared around the dim room, that stupid filmy gauze keeping out most of the rapidly disappearing afternoon sun. With a huff she ripped the net curtain out of the way, tying it up at the side of the window; she would miss the sunshine of Arizona. But that was probably the only thing she would miss.

Lost in thought again, she stared out of the window, her fingers twisting a lock of wavy brown hair around. She watched the sun set, disappearing down beneath the houses on the other side of the road.

"Bells? The pizza's here." Charlie cleared his throat to get his attention. Bella turned round and Charlie smiled sadly at his daughter. "You know Bella, if you want to talk about your mother, about anything, you can come and talk to me. I'm your Dad after all."

"Thanks, but I don't want to talk about Renee. Ever." Her sharp tone made Charlie flinch a little. The way his daughter acted, it didn't seem like this was the normal grieving of a child over their mother. There was something else in that tone of voice. Something else in her demeanour. Something else in her eyes and Charlie couldn't quite put his finger on what that something else was.

But it pained him to see it. Phil had seen it too; it had worried both of them. Both men afraid that their child was going to do something stupid because of the death of her mother. It wouldn't be the first time a child had tried to commit suicide after the death of a parent. Charlie had had to go to and hear about enough of those cases to know that it happened more then any parent would want it to.

That weekend passed quickly. When Charlie had gone down to La Push Bella had run down to the store to pick up a new necessary items. Charlie, believing these necessary items to be womans products, gave her money for them. That first cigarette after the week or two of not being able to smoke felt like bliss, heaven in a cylinder.

The rest of the weekend was spent unpacking and sleeping, after years of interrupted sleep it was nice to spend a morning lounging around in bed with a book and a cup of tea. But by Sunday night Bella was beginning to feel ants, it felt wrong having someone watching her and trying to look after her. It did not feel right at all. Charlie ordered so much food every time they had called for take out she felt like a calf being fattened for slaughter. He was always asking how she was feeling-how was she supposed to react to that question? Bella knew that the outsiders would be expecting her to be sad and upset but she didn't feel anything, not really, so she just shrugged whenever Charlie asked and that seemed to satisfy him for a couple of hours.


	4. The New Girl

**The New Girl.**

Monday morning Bella awoke early, outside the sun was trying to rise and the light was a dull grey as the clouds blocked the sky overhead. Suddenly feeling more tired then she had all weekend she pulled herself out of bed and into the bathroom.

Charlie pulled the cruiser up to the front of the school building, Bella started to blush as she realised the police car was beginning to draw stares from the students.

"If you go up those stairs and turn left you'll come to a little office. You can pick up your class schedule and everything there. They're expecting you." Charlie said a gentle smile on his face.

"Thanks." Bella grabbed her backpack and started to climb out of the car.

"You'll be fine Bells."

"I know." Bella slammed the car door shut behind her and started to walk up the steps into the school building. Behind her, Charlie watched his daughter until she disappeared through the double doors before driving off.

Bella pushed the door open and walked through, the tiny room here was small and dingy, pale blue walls favoured by public schools built in the 1970's and 80's complete with fading, peeling posters and information leaflets. Behind the desk sat an older woman who smiled kindly at the young girl standing in front of her.

"Can I help you?" Mrs Cope asked and Bella walked up to the desk.

"I'm a new student here, Isabella Swan. I got told to come here."

"You're Chief Swan's daughter, right?" Mrs Cope said her smile stretching further across her face. "We didn't expect you to start here so soon."

"What exactly where you told?"Bella asked sharply.

"Your father informed us of your mothers' death and that was why you were moving here. Your teachers have been told."

"What about the other students?"

"We haven't told them." Mrs Cope explained and Bella nodded. "Well Dear, here is your class schedule and a little map to keep with you. We have got a student guide to show you around today. She'll be here soon; she's in most of your classes and will show you where to do and where the cafeteria is. Take a seat; she should be here in a minute or two. Her name's Alice Cullen."

Bella nodded again, taking the papers from Mrs Cope and perching on the edge of one of the plastic seats, her fingers twisting in the material of her bag again. She yawned loudly and ran her fingers through her hair, missing up her long locks. She rubbed her hands over her face in an attempt to wake herself up. _Maybe I'm not ready for this. I can't deal with people at the best of times, let alone when I'm sleep deprived and craving nicotine and caffeine. I'm surprised I haven't got the shakes. _Bella stifled a snort and ran her fingers through her hair again.

A small, petite girl burst into the room, she stood in front of Bella and grinned.

"Isabella?" The girl asked and Bella nodded. "I'm Alice Cullen; it's nice to meet you." Alice was small and thin, but not skinny with it, she had short, black hair and a pretty face. Just standing next to this girl made Bella cringe with insecurity.

"Err, call me Bella. I really don't like Isabella." Bella said standing up, not surprised to find herself towering over Alice Cullen.

Alice looked at the eagerly expected Isabella Swan, she was of average height but was too thin for her frame- _this girl needs a burger_- her long dark hair fell around her face in what seemed almost to be an organised mess- what Rose would call bed-hair- but by the looks of her hands nervously tugging on her fading black sweater might be the result of nervously running her hands through it. Bella's face was blank of expression but the pain and sadness in her eyes were easy to read.

"Well if you come with me, I can help you find your way around and help you settle in a little." Alice smiled and the open bright smile she pulled made Bella automatically smile back, feeling a little more at ease. Bella followed hr out of the office and down the rapidly filling up hallways.

"It's really nice of you to show me around like this." Bella said.

"It's no problem. It's part of my punishment actually- not that I mind showing you around."

"What are you being punished for?"

"Me and my boyfriend ditched a couple of classes to make-out and the Principal caught us. He had to work with one of the sports teams. It's not really a punishment really; both his best friends are on that team."

"Oh," Bella said. For someone so small this Alice certainty could move and talk fast. The way she spoke put Bella's guard up. Back at the old school people didn't bother with her anymore. She had never had friends, not any she could remember in any great detail. She could remember a tea party with dolls being held by her and a ginger girl and a pink party dress and a room full of laughing girls. She assumed she had friends before, when she was still young and innocent and had parents who loved her.

During middle and high school she was alone, a target for the more popular but once she had heard every insult and laughing remark she hadn't shown any interest in what they said. You couldn't trust people, no- one was worth the effort only to have it blow up in your face later on. But here, now in Forks High School, she was the new girl. New students were always of interest to at least a handful of people, and this scared Bella. She had been used to being left alone, had even liked it in fact. How long would it take before she was left alone here?

"So, why'd you move in with you Dad?" Alice asked as they walked in to a class room.

"Wanted a change," Bella said. "Tell me about you." Alice seemed the type to enjoy talking to anyone about anything. The confident type, definitely one of the popular girls; girls that pretty were not the type to be picked on any way.

"Well, I have an older brother through he's only older by ten months. I wasn't exactly expected and then came early. He's in your Math class so I'll ask him to look after you there. He's called Edward. I told you I had a boyfriend, he's called Jasper. Him and Edward are really close. My Dad works at the local hospital-" The teacher walked in then, interrupting Alice mid-flow. She grinned and reached across the aisle and gave Bella's hand a squeeze.

The morning lessons passed quickly, Bella found herself relishing in being back in the classroom. She met Alice's boyfriend Jasper Hale in their history class, just before lunch. Jasper was taller then Alice with blonde hair and seemed completely devoted to Alice.

After the class finished they walked to the cafeteria, her fingers wrapped tightly around Jaspers hand as she chatted on quite happily. Bella nodded as Alice talked about some of the upcoming school events and little bits of gossip about some of the students they passed.

After quickly getting food Jasper led the way to a table in one of the far corners of the cafeteria. Bella trailed slowly behind them, unsure whether they meant for her to sit with them or not.

"Come on Bella, hurry up." Alice said, plopping herself down into a seat beside a beautiful blonde girl. The other two people at the table beside Alice, Jasper and the blonde girl were a large dark haired boy who had an arm around the blonde girl who sat beside him and a tall lankier boy with messy reddish hair. Bella sat in the spare seat between Jasper and the bronze-haired boy. "Bella, this is Rosalie, Emmett and my brother Edward." Alice said. "And this is the new girl, Isabella Swan." Bella gave the three a small smile, her fingers fiddling with the wrapper on her sandwich.

"How are you finding Forks?" Emmett asked and Bella shrugged.

"Fine, I guess." She took a bite of a sandwich.

"Don't you miss your old school and your friends there?" Rosalie asked and Bella grimaced a little.

"Not particularly. None of the people in my school were Best Friends Forever types, not to me anyway."

Jasper watched the new girl next to him as she slowly ate the sandwich and answered everyone's questions; she tried repeatedly to get the topic of conversation of her and more importantly of her old life before she moved here. Jasper had always been good at reading people, especially when they were hiding something. The look in her eyes when her old school and the reassuring behind her moving here to Forks made Jasper think she was hiding something- a bad break-up or a horrible argument with someone? Something a little unpleasant at any rate. She seemed a little jumpy; her hands looked like they were trembling a little as she wrapped up half of her sandwich.

"I need to go." Bella said standing up.

"Ok, you have Math next. Do you need someone to show you the way?" Alice asked but Bella shook her head.

"I'm sure I can find my way there. I'll see you later Alice. It was nice meeting you all." Bella flung her bag over her shoulder and after throwing the remains of her sandwich into the trash walked out of the cafeteria and around to the back of the school building.

With almost trembling hands Bella dug through her bag for her cigarettes and lighter. From the looks of the many piles of cigarette butts she had found the 'secret' smoking area. This was too much, everything was too much here. The rain, the cold, Charlie watching her every move, the students happy smiles, the gossip about Chief Swan's daughter- everyone trying to find out why exactly she had moved here. Everything was too much.

A small part of her- a very small part mind you- almost wanted life to go back to how it was before. She could do that. It was almost easy to do that life by now. This she couldn't do. She couldn't do a 'normal' life. What was she supposed to do? How was a 'normal' girl supposed to act? Maybe she could talk Charlie into getting a box set of some teen high school TV sitcom to see how it was done. Bella chuckled to herself' because Forks is just like Tree Hill.

"What's funny?" Bella's head snapped up to find Edward standing near her, leaning against the same wall she was.

"How long have you been there?" Bella asked before taking a drag of her cigarette.

"A minute or two; you were really out of it." Edward said smiling, "can I steal one?" He gestured to the cigarette between her fingers. Bella handed over the pack and he quickly pulled one out and lit up.

"So, why'd you follow me?" Bella asked.

"I noticed the symptoms, thought you might like some company. Also, Alice sent me."

"I'm not some charity case. I can handle making it to one class alone." Bella dropped the remains of the cigarette to the floor and stepped on it, putting it out with a twist of her foot.

"I know. Alice likes to take people under her wing. She likes to look after people." Edward said.

"That could get annoying fast." Bella mumbled and Edward grinned.

"Tell me about it. And I'm her _older _brother."

"Barely though," Bella pulled a teasing smile and Edward found himself unable to speak for a second. The bell rang, breaking him from his trance and he put out his own cigarette. He grinned down at Bella.

"To math?" He said and Bella pulled herself off the wall with a huff.

"I hate math. I can't do numbers."

"Luckily for you, I can." He smiled and without thinking placed one hand on her back to guide her through the crowds in the hallway towards the classroom.

Later that day, as the bell rang signifying the end of the school day, Bella found herself finally alone as she walked down the steps and through the parking lot.

"Hey, Bella, do you have a car? Do you want a ride?" Alice called standing at the passenger side door or a car.

"Charlie's picking me up," Bella called back and before anyone else could stop her to talk she hurried across the lot and out to where Charlie had told her to meet him.

She slipped into the passenger seat of the cruiser and smiled a small smile in greeting.

"So, how was your first day?" Charlie asked pulling away from the curb.

"Fine," Bella said, staring out of the window at the passing scenery. Charlie glanced at her.

"Get to know anyone?"

"Alice Cullen was assigned to show me around."

"Alice Cullen's a good kid. Dr Cullen is a great guy." Charlie said.

"What about her brother? Edward?"

"I wouldn't know, but there's been some talk around town that he's part of a group that parties a lot at the weekends. But I've never caught him up to no good so I can't really say anything bad, but I've got my eye on him."

"Oh," Bella turned her head away from her father to look out of the window again.


	5. Inner Circle'

'**Inner Circle'**

The next morning Bella awoke with a start. Her heart was racing and she was breathing heavily, she put her hand over her eyes and laid back down, taking a few deep breathes to try and calm herself down.

God, will these nightmares never end? The alarm clock beside her on the nightstand went off and Bella pulled herself out of bed. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror; her skin seemed to be getting paler as the days went by; all the colour in her face seemed to be leeching off someplace. She looked dead; her dark brown hair making her skin look ever paler. Around her eyes were deep purple bruise-like shadows, showing the world just how little sleep she was getting every night.

_I look a complete state._ Bella sighed as she brushed her teeth and brushed her hair. Not even the emergency make-up she had could cover those shadows under her eyes. After a few minutes she gave up trying to hide them and stomped back into her room to get dressed. Dressing quickly she pulled on jeans and a black sweater before slipping on shoes and grabbing her bag. _Another day at Forks High, _Bella sighed again before going downstairs.

Alice stared around the cafeteria, Bella had been in class today but apart from a smile and a wave she hadn't said anything. She listened to the teacher, took notes and answered a question if the teacher had asked it. At the end of each lesson she had managed to avoid Alice and be out of the class and disappeared into the crowd of students before Alice of Jasper could catch up. She certainly was a speedy one.

And now, Alice was staring around the cafeteria trying to find Bella. Surely she must be here. She couldn't miss lunch.

"What are you doing Alice?" Jasper asked, watching his girlfriend tie herself up in knots as she looked around the room.

"Trying to find Bella," Alice replied. "She's here but I haven't managed to say a word to her yet today."

"Why does it matter?" Rosalie asked, "If she wanted to talk, she would."

"Maybe she thought that since I don't have to show her around today that I didn't want to talk to her." Alice said and huffed. "I like her, she seemed really nice. Didn't you think so?"

"Yeah, she seemed nice enough, not exactly talkative but nice enough." Rosalie shrugged.

"It's not like normal folk can get a word in edgeways with Alice. We're just used to you by now. It was her first day after all." Emmett smiled, "Relax Alice, she'll just be talking to someone else today. She's new here, she's probably trying to get to know others. Most of us have been in school together since we were six. Leave her be for the day.

Alice nodded and Jasper squeezed her knee. The four of them settled into quiet conversation as they ate lunch. Lauren Mallory's braying laugh from across the room at something Edward had said, as Lauren pawed at him almost made Alice shudder.

"I don't know what Edward sees in any of those girls." She muttered as she glared over at the table.

Edward and a few other boys were sat a table filled with Laurens' friends. Each of the girls had long straightened hair, low-cut tops and jeans so tight they seemed to be sprayed on and all of them threw themselves at any half-way attractive boy who looked their way.

The few boys actually in their 'inner circle' were just the same. Alice hated the fact that her brother was in that inner circle. It made her feel slightly nauseous when she saw Lauren or one of those girls touch him and even worse when she saw him leave school with one of them or heard the gossip after on of their parties every weekend. He was better then that, didn't he want a proper relationship with someone he loved? Like what her and Jasper or Emmett and Rosalie had? But no, instead he had one night stands with those cheap, easy girls and alcohol and drugs. Pathetic, Alice sighed.

"Do you really want the answer to that?" Rosalie asked and Alice shook her head.

"No, it just makes me sick. It's fucking disgusting. Those girls are disgusting. They're so horrible and yet Edwards still friends with them."

"It's probably because he can fuck them whenever he wants." Emmett said and Alice glared at him.

"Don't. It's disgusting." Emmett held his hands up in surrender and went back to his cheese burger and fries while Alice glared at the table, annoyed at her brother. Again.

Bella sighed as the lunch bell rang, she walked slowly down the hallway towards the library and slid into the relatively empty room. She went over to the table in the far corner of the room, which was hidden from the door by a stack of books. She flopped into a seat and sighed, pulling a book from her bag, but after staring at the page for a few minutes; put her head down on her folded arms, closing her eyes tiredly.

Her forehead pressed hard on her arm and the fabric of her sweater on the skin of her forearms made them itch. She pushed her fingers down the sleeve of her sweater and pressed them against the scars that littered her left arm. They itched today. Her breath caught in her throat when her fingers accidently knocked the end of a scab off a new one.

It was almost drug-like; the highs and lows that followed after she did that. It was hard to hide and even harder to admit what she did. Even to herself she couldn't say it. Not really. Just like everything; she couldn't admit any of it- not to Phil, not to Charlie, not to any of the Doctors she had taken herself to over the years for all those accidents, not to herself. To day it, would be admitting there was a mistake. Admitting she had fucked up yet again. Admit she wasn't good enough, strong enough, brave enough, clever enough. And she couldn't deal with that right now, couldn't deal with people anyway and couldn't deal with peoples reactions to what had happened- to what she did. She liked control and never had enough. She liked to know what was going to happen, she had that comfort back in the house with Renee. That was easy. Trying to guess how people would react, that wasn't so easy.

So she hid it all, everything. Not letting anyone close meant it was easier to hide things. Easier to get by. And after ten years of not socialising with people at school... she didn't know how to do it anyway.

God she was tired. Even now, she couldn't sleep the night through. It was programmed in her to wake every couple of hours and then she would like there away and unable to turn her brain off, unable to stop ruminating on those thoughts, on those memories. Until she did something to stop them. Then the high. Then a few more hours of blissful unconscious before she would wake again still feeling that high. Until she crashed a few hours later, the disgust and self-loathing bubbling up inside her, threatening to spill out and let everyone around her know just what kind of horrible person she was. But she knew, even through she felt like this, this bad, knew that she would do it again. It helped, it worked better then the cigarettes and worked better then the week she had managed to get her hands on from some guy back in Arizona. So she knew it was only so long before it happened again.

And she hated that. Hated how weak she was. Hated herself. Truly.

The bell rang- end of lunch hour. The shrill sound dragged Bella out of herself and she walked out of the library, keeping her head down trying to force herself to disappear to continue to go unnoticed-_ this was so much easier to do in a bigger school._

Edward watched Bella as she walked slowly through the doorway of the classroom and to her seat across the room from him. She was beautiful, not in his usual sense of the word, not pretty in the way the girls he was friends with were. But there was something about her that intrigued him. There was something in the way she stood and something in her eyes. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. But she was beautiful- too thin though. Much thinner then he usually found attractive, but after seeing how much she ate for lunch yesterday he could quite understand why she was that small. Half a sandwich and a cigarette.

Edward watched Bella for the rest of the class; she spent most of the lesson frowning as she tried to understand what the lesson was about, her right hand gently rubbing her left arm as she concentrated. Her skin was pale and there were dark marks under her eyes. Towards the end of the class she sighed and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her eyes gently before pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands. She frowned and stuck her fingers through a newly forming hole. The expression on Bella's face turned; flashes of annoyance before sadness. Why was she sad? It was only a hole in a sweater. It didn't look like a new or particularly expensive one. There was something in her eyes that seemed to pull him in.

After class he tried to talk to her but she seemed to disappear into thin air. He tried searching for her over the heads of the other students as they swarmed the corridor, making their way to their next class.

"Edward, are you looking for me?" He looked down to see Lauren standing beside him staring up at him, a teasing smile on her face.

"Sure," He grinned and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.


	6. Just An Accident

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, and do not own any of the Twilight Characters. I just like to play with them sometimes.**

**6. Just an Accident. **

Bella slammed the front door and sighed loudly. _Great, just great – _She never expected Alice to be quite to persistent. _This may take longer then I expected. _She had even roped Jasper in towards the end of the day. She almost had to sprint to the old rusty Chevy Charlie had bought her so she didn't have to rely on Charlie and the Cruiser.

_I don't know if I can do this._ Bella slid to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs holding them tight to her. She sighed and dropped her head to her knees. _This was too hard. I hoped Forks would be easier, better...  
it can't be better if you still act the same as you did back there... _An insolent little voice in the back of her head made her wince slightly.  
_That's not fair. How else am I suppose to act?  
Well you could talk to someone, that Alice Cullen maybe?  
Talk about what? _Bella frowned. _Fuck sake, I'm talk to myself- I really must be crazy._ She growled, suddenly feeling angry and disgusted with herself.

Nothing. Nothing could ever go right. Nothing could ever feel right. Nothing would ever feel right.

She was bad. She deserved all this; she didn't deserve 'right'; she didn't deserve the nicer things in life. She deserved this.

Bella reached for the small box at the back of the drawer of her bedside table. She deserved this too.

There was no high this time. No high feelings, nothing good at all in fact; only blind panic and anxiety. It had all gone wrong this time. There was too much blood, much more then usual. It had all gone wrong. But there had been no pain. And she hadn't realised how deep she had gone.

Tears were silently streaming down her face as she wrapped the towel tight around her arm. _Shit, shit, shit, shit. _Bella stared at herself in the mirror, her face already pale and growing paler by the second. _What the fuck do I do? _

The blood seemed to be stopping but she wasn't sure if it were actually stopping or if it just seemed that way because the towel couldn't get any redder. She one-handed put every away out of sight, _should I go to the hospital just in case? _She stood in the centre of her room unsure what to do, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

If she died, bled out by accident, she knew she deserved that in some way. Devine retribution for what she did but... but what about Charlie? What about Phil? Two deaths in as many months? Mother and daughter. Was she cruel enough to allow that to happen?

Downstairs the doorbell rang, Bella automatically went down to open it, pulling the towel tight around her arm again before pushing her hair off her face.

As she pulled the door open she recognised the two figures standing on her porch.

"Alice?" Bella frowned confused. Alice looked up at Bella, her eyes widening a little at the blood on her forehead. "What are you doing here?"

"Bella, are you OK? Are you hurt?" Alice asked and the breathe caught in Bella's throat.

"I'm fine." Bella said as her fingers tightened on her arm. Alice and Jasper exchanged a look.

"You don't look fine, there's blood on your face." Alice said. "My Dad's a doctor at the hospital. We can take you to him."

"It's nothing, just an accident." Bella smiled. "Can I help you with anything else?" She asked before her legs crumpled beneath her and she landed heavily on her backside. Jasper rushed forward, before her head could smack into the door.

"Bella, you're obviously not fine. I'm taking you to dad." Alice pulled Bellas' wallet from the bag at the bottom of the stairs and picked the keys up off the table. Jasper picked Bella up despite her protests and put her in the backseat of the car.

Alice locked the front door and quickly slid into the passenger seat of the car and Jasper pulled away from the curb.

"I'll ring Dad and let him know we're coming." Alice said. Bella nodded, realising that nothing she could say was going to make Alice stop. She repositioned the towel and sighed. "He's going to meet us by the desk." Alice said and turned round in the seat. "What happened?"

"Accident," Bella repeated and rested her tired, thick head against the cold of the window.

The hospital was closer then Bella realised. They pulled into a parking space and Alice and Jasper helped her out of the car.

"I'm fine." Bella repeated and Alice nodded.

"We know, we're just double checking." Alice smiled brightly and Bella rolled her eyes. "Better to be safe then sorry you know."

A tall, young-looking, blonde man was waiting beside the front desk and Bella realised this must be Dr Cullen as Alice and Jasper steered her towards him.

"So what happened?" He asked as they went into a private room.

"There was an accident and... blood." Bella said, she suddenly felt tired and weak.

"She fainted for a second or two when we turned up." Alice said.

"Ok. You two wait outside please." Dr Cullen said and Bella lay back on the bed watching them go and the door close behind them. Dr Cullen unwrapped the towel from around her arm and sucked in a breath. "You're losing a lot of blood, you're lucky you won't need a transfusion." He set about cleaning Bellas' arm up before stitching up the wound. Bella watched him numbly as he did this, her eyelids tired. When he was finished and a gauze and bandage was wrapped tightly around her arm. He stood next to the bed and looked at her. Bella stared up and counted the ceiling tiles.

"So can I go now please?" Bella asked. "Thank you for stitching me up and all but Charlie's probably wondering where I am."

"I would like to keep you here for a few hours at least." Dr Cullen said and Bella turned her head to look at him.

"You have got to be kidding me. Why?"

"By the looks of it, that was a deliberately placed wound, and judging by those other scars on your arm it wasn't the first time either."

"I thought Doctors weren't supposed to judge a person, just treat them." Bella said attempting to sit up.

"I'm not judging you. I am worried about you. That is not a healthy thing to do to yourself; too many things could go wrong. You're malnourished and you look like you haven't slept properly for a while." Dr Cullen stood at the end of the bed writing on the chart as Bella glared at him. "You have an extensive medical history."

"I'm clumsy." Bella said and Dr Cullen looked at her.

"There's something wrong in your life, you're young. You don't want to get caught up in such self-destructive behaviours. Have you thought about therapy?"

Bella laughed which shocked Dr Cullen, "somehow I don't think talk about my feelings is going to solve the problems in my life Doctor, I'm fine."

"Well I'm still going to keep you in overnight. I will ring the Chief to let him know you had an accident and are here."

"Is this punishment or something?" Bella asked.

"I think you should think about getting some help."

"How is therapy going to bring my mother back from the grave she drank herself in to? Therapy isn't going to give me back the last decade or give me parents when I needed them. I'm sorry if I don't think talking to some stranger is going to help." Bella hissed before dropping her head back into the bed and continued to count the ceiling tiles.

Dr Cullen looked at her for a few seconds, it pained him to see a young girl; to see something the same age as Alice, one of her friends so hurt, so in pain, so unable to do anything to help, unable to let anyone in to help. He had seen this too many times, seen those eyes on too many patients- the dead look of someone who had been deeply betrayed by someone who was supposed to love and care for them. He left the room and asked a nurse to sort Bella out and have her probably admitted to the ward before picking up the phone to call Chief Swan.

* * *


	7. 7 Salad Wednesdays 8 Soft Shoes

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, I just like to play with them sometimes.**

**7. Salad Wednesdays**

"Changed your mind about Bella? You're not looking for her today." Rosalie asked as she poked her fork around her salad. The five of them were sat around their usual lunch table; Edward had decided to sit with them this lunch instead of Laurens- Lauren and Jessica were in the middle of a full-blown bitch fight and he hadn't wanted to get in the middle of it.

Alice and Jasper exchanged a look and Alice sighed.

"She's not in today, she's in hospital." Alice said and all eyes were on here. She shifted uncomfortably in the hard plastic chair.

"What happened? Is she OK?" Edward asked and Alice shrugged.

"We went to see her yesterday and she'd had an accident. She fainted and we took her to see Dad." Alice explained.

"What kind of accident?" Emmett asked and Alice and Jasper looked at each other again.

"She had cut her arm." Jasper said.

"It was horrible, there was so much blood." Alice shuddered and Jasper put an arm around her.

"She'll be ok." He said and dropped a kiss on Alice's forehead.

"It's sad this happened so soon after she moved here." Alice said and they were all nodded before Emmett, Edward and Jasper fell into another conversation while they finished eating.

---

**8. Soft Shoes**

Bella had spent most of the night on the ward awake listening to the sounds of the hospital; the quiet sobbing and moans leading into the sounds of the nurses' soft shoes on the shiny floor as they walked around on their rounds.

She couldn't sleep in places like these, she never could. Even before when she had spent a week in hospital recovering from one of her 'clumsy' episodes she had hardly slept. She just wanted to go back to Charlie's.

Dr Cullen had come round at ten the next morning to discharge her and tried to make her agree to at least thinking about therapy. She had promised to at least think about, telling him she hoped to get a few babysitting gigs to fill her time- she liked children, she enjoyed being round them- the only times she had been close to the elusive feeling of happiness was around children. He had said that that was a good idea if it made sure she kept away from what brought her to the hospital in the first place. He had signed the papers and Bella had quickly changed into the clothes Charlie had bought with him before meeting him in the waiting room.

The ride home with Charlie was quiet. He glanced over and her every so often as they made the journey home. He wanted to say something, say anything but he was too scared; scared for what she might say, scared she might tell him she did do it on purpose, scared she might lie and tell him it was an accident. Most of all scared that this hadn't scared her into stopping this; scared her into thinking that this was dangerous, that she was playing with fire. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what to do and how to react to what she said.

He had never had to even think about this before. Sure, he knew some people were sick and couldn't help the way they felt and how they coped with the way they felt but he'd never had to deal with it personally. Before it was just around him; just a sad thought a person would feel that there was only one way they could cope. Now it was his daughter. His little girl that was in pain. His little Bella who felt that this was the only way she could cope.

And he was scared. Absolutely terrified.

They pulled up in front of the house and Bella climbed out of the car silently.

"Do you mind if I go up to bed? I didn't sleep well last night." Bella asked wanting to sleep and to get away from Charlie's pitying, sad expression.

"Sure Bella, but if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I'm always here. We can work things out together. You're not alone." Charlie said, a faint blush covering his cheeks. Bella nodded and walked up the stairs to her bedroom. She stripped off her jeans and pulled on her pyjamas before crawling into bed.

She slept most of the day, her dreams involved ants trying to nibble the skin of her arm off as her arm under the gauze and bandages itched and burned. She woke at three in the afternoon and walked down the stairs not bothering to changed out of her black pyjama trousers and t-shier. Charlie hadn't gone to work and he was sat in his chair in front of the television, he looked up as Bella shuffled into the room and dropped heavily on the couch. She stretched out along it, itching her arm through the bandages. Charlie watched her out of corner of his eye, suddenly feeling the loss of his ex-wife. Would she have known how to handle this any better then he did? He and Renee hadn't spoken much at all really in the years between her walking out on him and her funeral. He regretted that now, she should have tried harder, forced her to talk to him, to tell him about Bella and her life back in Phoenix.

"What wait it like back in Phoenix?" Charlie asked suddenly.

"Hot." Bella replied and Charlie shook his head.

"No, I meant; friends, school, your mother."

"I don't want to talk about Renee." Bella hissed and Charlie was taken aback by the venom in her voice.

"You have to talk about her at some point. I know you miss her, and I know you loved her, but you have to be able to talk about her to move on. Life is about moving on, moving forward."

"You don't know anything. Don't assume that because she gave birth to me. Fuck." Bella had shouted and jumped to her feet. As her brain caught up with what she had said she paled. "Fuck," She muttered again before swiftly turning on her heel and running up to her room. "Fuck."

* * *


	8. 9 Resting Up 10 Good Pie

**9. Resting Up**

Charlie stared at his daughter as she shouted at home. He hadn't expected his usually quiet, obedient daughter to suddenly turn and start shouting and swearing. He watched her run from the room and up the stairs still swearing under her breath.

What was that about? He thought she just missed her mother, was just grieving in her own way. But what she had said; the venom and hated in her voice, that didn't seem much like a girl who missed her mother, who even liked her mother. Was Bella unhappy there? He had thought she was fine; she did well at school and apart from her clumsy nature seemed to be healthy and fine. He wasn't sure he could do this- how the hell should he talk about it? Why weren't there handbooks for stuff like this? _How to talk to your teenage daughter about why she seems to hate her dead mother for dummies. _

He sighed loudly and got up to get a beer; this was hurting his head just thinking about it.

---

Alice pushed her food around her plate with her fork and sighed again. Her mother looked up;

"What's wrong Alice?" Esme asked.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Alice said, putting her cutlery down on her place.

"Not still worried about that girl are you?" Edward asked as he helped himself to more mashed potato.

"Her name's Bella. And you didn't see it. You don't care about anymore." Alice snapped and Edward rolled his eyes and continued eating.

"What's happened?" Esme asked.

"Me and Jasper took Bella to the hospital yesterday, she'd had an accident and cut herself. I was worried about her; I haven't been able to talk to her yet."

"I told you Alice; she's fine. I discharged her this morning. She's probably resting up." Carlisle said and Alice nodded.

"I know Dad, but I can't help worrying."

"That's because you're a good person Honey," Esme said and Alice smiled. "Who's Bella?"

"Chief Swan's daughter," Edward said and Esme nodded slowly.

"Yes, I heard stories from some old friends in Arizona about the former Mrs Swan and her daughter."

"Like what Mom?" Alice asked and Esme hesitated.

"I don't know if they're true or nothing more then idle town gossip."

"But if it helps us help Bella to settle in... please Mom."

"It was thought that Renee Swan was an alcoholic. Her new husband didn't even know supposedly. I got told it was the daughter who had to deal with her and got herself caught in the middle of some nasty situations. I feel so sorry for her if it is true."

"Didn't anyone help?" Alice asked but Esme shook her head.

"People don't like to get themselves involved. It's sad but true."

"But if Bella was getting hurt, didn't anyone think they should help her?"

"Not everyone is as good and sweet as you." Esme said and Alice shook her head.

"I hate people." She grumbled as she helped her mother clear the table.

---

**Good Pie**

"Bella? Do you want some dinner? I thought we could go out?" Charlie knocked on her door and waited. Bella shuffled to the door and pulled it open. "So, do you fancy it? There's good pie."

"Yeah, sure- let me pull on some clothes and I'll meet you downstairs in a minute." It was a nice gesture on Charlie's part, and as soon as she had agreed Charlie had looked so damn happy she suddenly felt a little good about agreeing. She had almost forgotten how it felt when someone actually wanted to see you, forgotten what it was like to feel even a little bit loved.

Bella pulled on some jeans, sighing to herself about the hole in the knee, and a long-sleeved t-shirt on to cover the bandage, she ran down the stairs and slipped on some tennis shoes and took the jacket Charlie held out.

The car ride to the Lodge was quiet; Bella had turned the radio on and round a station playing some of the current hits. She watched the scenery pass and smiled slightly. Charlie parked the car and as they walked over to the lodge he put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her to him.

"I love you Bells, you know that right?" He said, his voice gruff.

"Sure, I love you too... Dad." Bella bit her lip. They sat in a booth and after ordering their food sat in silence. Charlie clasped his hands on the table and cleared his throat nervously.

"I missed you, when you were with your mother-"

"Renee. She wasn't 'mom'" Bella interrupted and Charlie nodded slowly.

"When you were with Renee. I always wanted you to come visit. But Renee would never agree to it after the first couple of years and then I couldn't get through."

"The phone got cut off." Bella said, staring at the collection of condiments in the middle of the table, purposely not looking at Charlie. "We didn't have the money to pay for stuff like that."

"Honey, I didn't know. Phil never said,"

"When Phil came along, he used to pay the bills and stuff. Renee was supposed to cover clothes and groceries and that shit, but you know how Renee was like with money." Bella muttered.

"If you need more clothes or anything, I'd be more then happy to give you some money to get them." Charlie sad and Bella felt almost emotional.

"Thanks, I haven't had anything new in years."

"No offence Honey, but you can tell," Charlie said and Bella laughed. Charlie stared at his daughter stunned- this was the first time he had seen his daughter laugh since she was six.

"Why didn't you tell Phil about the money stuff?" Charlie asked as they ate their meals. Bella shrugged.

"There were a lot of things Phil didn't know about Renee." She muttered and stabbed some of her fries forcefully.

"Bella?"

"Does it really matter? She's dead now." Bella asked and Charlie stared shocked at his daughter sat across from him.

"Of course it matters. I want to know my daughter. I want to know abut the ten years I missed out on. Please Bella. Talk to me."

Bella looked across the table at her father and felt guilty at the pleading tone to his voice mixing with the sad look on his face.

"There was a lot of shit. It wasn't good or nice and I don't want to talk about it in a restaurant." She said finally and Charlie nodded slowly.

"That's fair enough. Will you tell me at home?"

"At some point."

"That's all I ask Bells." Charlie smiled. "How about some apple pie to finish?"

When they got back Bella kicked off her shoes and started to fix herself a mug of hot chocolate.

"So Bells, fancy having that talk?" Charlie asked but Bella shook her head.

"I'm really tired; I just want to go to bed. I want to go to school tomorrow." Charlie nodded. "Maybe at the weekend."

"Sounds good, Sleep well Bella." He patted her on the shoulder and disappeared into the living room.


	9. Rumour

This has been a while coming, I apologise for that but RL got in the way of everything to be honest and when I did have spare time I didn't have the urge or the mind to write. Please read and review and let me know what you think.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Twilight characters. I just like to play for a while._

* * *

**Chapter 11: ****Rumour**

Bella was nervous as she sat in the cab of her truck parked in the school parking lot; she'd only started Monday and missed one day of three here already. She wondered how many people Alice had told about Tuesday night. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to psyche herself up to get out of her truck and actually go into the school building.

A knock on the window of the door made her jump and open her eyes.

"Alice?" Bella climbed out of the truck, shouldering her bag as she did.

"I saw you out here, so I thought I would come over and say hi; see how you were feeling." Alice said as they walked towards their first period class room.

"I'm fine. I wanted to say thank you to you and Jasper for making me got to the hospital. I was freaked out by the blood. I didn't-" Bella paused, not sure what she wanted to say any more. "Anyway, thanks. A lot."

"It's nothing. That's what friends do for each other."

"Friends?" Bella suddenly stopped still. Alice turned around and stared at her confused.

"Yeah, friends."

"But you don't know me." Bella protested.

"But I know enough to know I love you. What's wrong?"

"I've not had friends for years." Bella blurted out without thinking before flushing and mentally kicking herself.

"Well, the people at your old school were obviously idiots." Alice said and grabbed Bellas' hand. "Come on or we'll be late."

Alice spent most of their first period watching Bella. She was obviously uncomfortable sitting there, her back was tensed and the hand resting on her notebook was clenched in a fist. Alice began tapping her pencil against her arm deep in thought. Bella was pretty- that much was obvious- she always seemed on edge, ready to jump at any moment, never letting her so-obvious guard down. She reminded Alice of a wild cat just waiting to pounce or maybe the zebra on edge to flee.

The conversation with her Mother the night before came to mind. Bella had mentioned that she didn't have friends at her old school, having an alcoholic, violent mother to take care of wouldn't exactly give you a lot to time for friends. _If my mother was alcoholic I don't think I'd want anyone to know._ Alice sighed loudly; loud enough to have the person sitting beside her look up and glare, and settled back in her chair. Bella took notes furiously, her fingers rubbed gently over her left sleeve arm, the one that hid the heavily bandaged arm.

Bella winced, her stitched pulled as she moved her arm across the table. _I suppose I deserve the pain; I did do it on purpose._ Her arm felt hot and tight beneath the bandages and it took a lot of energy to concentrate on the lesson and not let anyone know just how much pain she was in. So far nobody had said a word about yesterday but as it was still only first period she didn't bother hoping this was going to continue. The little she knew of high school students seemed to indicate they liked gossip- Dear God, she hoped Alice hadn't told anyone.

They didn't manage to talk much the rest of the morning, and all too soon for Bella, it was lunch. She slowed her walk as she, Alice and Jasper neared the cafeteria.

"It's ok," Alice said quietly and took her hand. Bella smiled at her gratefully.

They joined the lunch line, Jasper piling all of their food choices on to one tray while Alice kept hold of Bella's hand, before leading the two girls to their usual table where Rosalie and Emmett were already sat wrapped up in one another. Seeing the two of them made Bella hurt; she rubbed her chest frowning. Jasper handed her one of the sandwiches and she unwrapped the plastic to stop herself from staring.

The four of them talked about something Bella couldn't keep up with, before the clatter of another tray made her jump and stopped her conversation. All eyes turned to Edward who dropped into the seat between Bella and Rosalie.

"No slut-brigade today?" Rosalie sneered at Edward, who grinned and took a bite of his burger.

"Nah, felt like a bit of family time and noticed little Bella was sat here. Thought I might get to know Alice's new BFF." Bella bristled next to him and glared at him, feeling small because of him and hating him a little for it.

"Fuck off Edward." Alice glared at her brother. "If you're not going to be nice-"

"I am being nice. If Bella's going to be around I thought it would be police to be able to hold some form of conversation with her." Alice glared at him and huffed.

"Fine, but I'm warning you. Piss me off and you won't like the consequences."

"You don't scare me Alice." Edward snapped back.

Bella watched the two siblings argue; the other three ignored their argument and talked among themselves. Bella slowly picked at her sandwich, only making it though a quarter of it before she wrapped the rest up and pushed it away slightly.

"You not eating that?" Emmett asked, pointing to the sandwich. Bella shook her head. "Do you mind if I finish it? I'm starving."

"Feel free." Bella said, pushing the sandwich across to him.

"You don't eat much do you?" Rosalie said and Bella flushed.

"I get full quickly; I've never had that much of an appetite."

"You should try to eat more though, you don't want Jessica or Lauren starting a rumour you have some kind of eating disorder, because that will _never_ stop." Bella didn't know what to say, she mumbled something no-one caught and dropped her gaze to her lap, gently rubbing her arm again.

"Does it hurt?" Edwards quiet question made her look up.

"Yeah, it'll be fine in a few days."

"If you come round I'm sure Dad'll take a look at it for you." He said but Bella shook her head. She didn't want to see Dr Cullen again; she flushed at the memory of what she had said to him that night. Stupid Bella. "He won't mind you know. You're Alice's friend."

"No, I don't want to see him."

"Why not?" Edward had never met a woman who hadn't fallen under the charms of Dr Carlisle Cullen, the same charm he himself had inherited. This Isabella Swan was indeed a mystery.

"I said some things to him. I don't want to see him again so soon after Tuesday." Bella said and pulled herself to her feet. "I'm going to go," and rushed out of the cafeteria before anybody else on the table could say anything.


	10. Rain was Imminent

_No excuses for such a long gap. We'll see how things go from here._

_Disclaimer: am only playing in playpen, the characters belong to her really._

* * *

**Chapter 12: Rain was Imminent **

The next few days passed much too slowly for Bella, she still hadn't worked out what to do with all her free time she had- she no longer had her mother to clean up and look after. Charlie was used to living alone, so apart from the cooking and her laundry, he was used to cleaning up after himself and there wasn't much around the house for her to do.

Bella spent Saturday making batches of cookies and then sat on her porch nibbling on one. She didn't want to have this talk with Charlie. She didn't wan to let him know his daughter was a killer even if it was by-proxy. She was sure the Chief of Police didn't want a murderer for a daughter.

But Charlie had decided that the talk was happening Saturday night, he was ordering a pizza so Bella didn't have to worry and stress about dinner. She leaned back on her hands and sighed. The skies were darkening, clouds were rolling, rain was imminent. _Well that's just great_, Bella stood up and sighed. _Time to face the music. _

Charlie was on his third slice of pizza and was eyeing Bella over the top of his slice. Bella was hunched over trying to make herself look smaller. She was picking at her second slice of pizza, pulling little pieces off.

Charlie cleared his throat and Bella looked up at him slowly,

"Tell me," he said simply. Bella dropped her gaze back to her plate and took a deep breath.

"Renee drank. A lot. I'm not clumsy, no more then any other normal person is, I only said that I was to the doctors. I didn't want to get her in trouble. I didn't stop her drinking." She paused and sighed. "I killed her. I killed Renee."

There was silence; nothing but silence in the room. Charlie stared at his daughter, his brain unable to keep up and process what she said.

"You're going to have to explain a bit- you killed her...?"

"I might as well have. I gave up on her. I stopped trying to stop her. I just let her get on with it and sorted it out afterwards. I didn't check up on her anymore. I didn't know she was dying. I could have saved her. But I didn't."

"Oh Bella, you didn't kill her honey. It wasn't your fault. I promise. It's not your fault your mother died." Charlie said reaching for Bellas' hand.

"Renee. She's not been my mother for years."

"How long was this going on?"

"Ten years." Bella said and shrugged. "I stopped intervening three years ago when she pushed me down the stairs in one of her drunken rages. I was in hospital for three days unconscious."

Charlie couldn't think of what to say for a while. Bella swirled her drink, watching the liquid slosh around the glass.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because I still loved her. And that's what gets me most. Even when she was shouting at me, and breaking all our things, and taking all our money for alcohol so I couldn't buy any food for weeks. Even when I had no friends because people knew there was something wrong with me. Even when she hurt me because she was so fucking drunk she had no idea what she was doing I loved her. I still loved Renee." Bella took a deep breath and let it out long and slow.

"I'm so sorry Bella. That I didn't know, that I wasn't there to help you. I can't imagine what it must have been like." He reached over and took her hand. "But please promise me you'll never do this again." He nodded at her bandaged arm and Bella dropped her gaze to the table. "Try for me. You're not alone anymore."

"I'll try." Bella whispered and Charlie nodded.

"I told you, I'm always here for you. For anything. But if you need someone else to talk to we can go to Dr Grandy." Bella didn't say anything and Charlie squeezed her hand. "Have another slice Bella, you're all skin and bones." Charlie smiled and Bella let a small smile spread across her face before picking up another slice.


End file.
